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                         L'CHAIM - ISSUE # 844
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                           Copyright (c) 2004
                 Lubavitch Youth Organization - L.Y.O.
                              Brooklyn, NY
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             THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION FOR EVERY JEWISH PERSON
   Dedicated to the memory of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson N.E.
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        November 12, 2004        Toldos        28 Cheshvan, 5765
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                            Sibling Rivalry

"You always take him everywhere."

"She always goes first."

"She gets away with everything."

"He's your favorite."

"You like her best."

The squabbles, bickerings,  complainings, needlings, teasings,
provokings - the pushing and elbowing for position, metaphoric, symbolic
and real - when there are children, plural, parents must confront these
confrontations each day.

For children, too, the constant jockeying, the guarding of "rights" and
garnering of "privileges," can be time consuming, energy consuming, fun
consuming, and love consuming.

Often sibling rivalry results from jealousy. One child feels slighted,
left out. The slight, perceived or real, engenders a wariness, a
suspicion that feeds on itself. The child observes, records and
classifies every deviation from his or her pre-defined sense of justice.
The measuring is subtle, meticulous, exact - and flexible.

Of course, the jealousy of things springs from a jealousy for time -
your time. And your attention. And here we may notice the flexible
justice of siblings. For our children do not necessarily expect equality
of quantitative time; but they do demand equality of qualitative time.
The attention to and interest in one must equal that of the attention to
and interest in the other.

They expect that their special needs and their special talents will also
be acknowledged, attended to and nurtured. And if they conclude
otherwise, even though, like even the greatest of detectives will do,
they have misread the clues, they will claim their own. They will sue
before the jury of their feelings and the judge in their mind. And they
will win every case.

Sometimes, too, sibling rivalry arises from competition, a
self-challenge and a challenge to the self. This has less to do with the
parents, and with their opening or withholding of affection, and more to
do with a measuring of the self and a testing, in a biological mirror,
of identity.

The competition can be direct. And this direct competition can be
friendly or fierce.

The competition can also be indirect. One becomes a doctor, one becomes
a lawyer, and one becomes a teacher. And all three excel, competing for
excellence not against another professional in their field, but against
the lawyer, teacher, doctor of their youth. And in so doing, they reach
for a reflexive  verification. Validate me not for my success, but for
the singularity of my success.

And in each case, the sibling rivalry may denigrate or elevate. Siblings
dare, may provoke so as to undermine each other. Or Siblings may
challenge, may test so as to encourage each other.

Obviously a parent desires the latter, anticipating and praying for
siblings to transform their rivalry into mutual support.

Of the Jewish people it is said, we all have one Father - we are all
siblings. To please our Father, then, let us be "rivals" in how much we
love our fellow Jews. Let us "compete" in Torah and mitzvot, so that the
accomplishments of one inspires the growth of another.

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                             SLICE OF LIFE
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            Tefilin That Helped Cope with Illness and Beyond
                        by Rabbi Zushe Greenberg

In June, I received a phone call from Joe, who lived in my community. I
was surprised that he had called me; I was not well acquainted with him,
but at one point I had helped his daughter-in-law and grandchildren.

"Rabbi," Joe began. "I'm sick. If it's not too hard for you, could you
please stop by and visit me?"

Of course I went to Joe's home to visit him. Upon my arrival, I learned
that he was receiving chemotherapy treatments for cancer, and that his
prognosis was not favorable. He lay in bed as we talked about his
illness. I told him that Judaism teaches us never to give up on life. I
tried to cheer him up and when I left he was already in better spirits.

The following week, I visited Joe again. While there, Joe received a
phone call from David, a life-long friend who lives in New York. Joe
told David, "The Rabbi is here," and before I knew it, he was handing
the phone to me. "My friend wants to talk to you," he said, simply.

David got straight to the point. "Rabbi, I believe I know something that
would give Joe additional strength. Why don't you suggest that he should
start putting on tefilin?"

When I told David that I didn't think Joe owned a pair of tefilin, he
volunteered eagerly, "I'll buy him a pair!"

I turned to Joe, "David wants to buy you tefilin to wear every day
(except Shabbat and Jewish holidays). Would you like him to do that?" To
my and David's delight, Joe immediately agreed.

Tefilin signifies the directing of ones emotional and intellectual
powers to the service of G-d in all that we think, feel and do. It is a
mitzva (commandment) that has been observed and treasured for thousands
of years. Now it would reach another Jew, a man in his 60s, who had
never before donned tefilin.

After the tefilin arrived, I returned to Joe's home each morning, and
taught him how to wrap the leather straps and place the tefilin boxes on
his head and arm (facing his heart). Joe was excited and eager to learn
how to pray and recite the complete Shema. I saw firsthand the pleasure
and spiritual strength Joe derived from this mitzva. He felt that the
tefilin gave him a strong connection with G-d, and the strength to face
each day.

Joe's health seemed to improve during the next six months, but then he
was admitted to University Hospitals. When I visited Joe in the hospital
he looked pale and sounded weak. But he was grateful for my visit. He
felt it was the appropriate time to talk about funeral plans and we
talked of various technicalities.

Then with great effort, Joe sat up in bed, took my hand and said, "I
have one last very important request to make of you." Tears flowed from
his eyes. "My son Frankie has never had a Bar Mitzva." He paused, and
then continued with great emotion: "When he comes for my funeral, please
tell him that I want him to be 'Bar Mitzvahed.' "

Not long after my conversation with Joe, he passed away. Frank flew in
from his home in Massachusetts to join his mother and siblings in this
time of mourning. I took the first appropriate opportunity to inform
Frank of his father's last wish. Frank was so touched that his father
had thought of him before his passing, that he immediately agreed to
fulfill this final request. As I officiated at Joe's funeral, I shared
what had taken place with the large crowd that had gathered to pay their
last respects to Joe. Before leaving the cemetery, I turned to the
closed coffin and said, "Joe, your son Frank will soon celebrate his Bar
Mitzva and you are hereby invited to attend."

Frank remained in Cleveland for the shiva week of mourning. On one of
the shiva days, in the presence of family and friends, we conducted a
Bar Mitzva ceremony for Frank as was permitted in the confines of shiva.
Joe's tefilin were an appropriate "Bar Mitzva gift" for Frank as he
donned tefilin for the first time in his life. The bittersweet emotion
that filled the room at that moment is indescribable. We all had the
strong feeling that Joe was there with us, celebrating this milestone in
Frank's life.

The Talmud states, "Mitzva goreret mitzva, one mitzva leads to another."
Who would have imagined the positive chain reaction that one pair of
tefilin could have? When Joe's first yartzeit approached, I wrote up
this story and published it in the local Jewish newspaper, in the hope
that even one reader would be inspired to don tefilin even one time. The
performance of this mitzva will be yet another link in the unbroken
chain of Jewish tradition that has stretched back for thousands of
years. And, just as I am sure that the tefilin donned in Joe's merit
will elevate his soul in the spiritual realms, so too am I confident
that the chain of Torah and mitzvot will be eternal.

    Rabbi Greenberg is the director of the Chabad Jewish Center of
    Solon.

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                               WHAT'S NEW
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               Two New Emissary Couples Open New Centers

Rabbi Nochum and Hindy Light will soon be arriving in the capital city
of the state of Maryland, Annapolis. Chabad-Lubavitch Centers can also
be found in Baltimore, Bethesda, College Park, Columbia, Gaithersburg,
Ocean City, Owings Mills, Potomac, Reistertown and Rockville, Maryland.

Rabbi Chaim Elazar and Esther Chitrik will be moving to Nuremberg,
Germany, where they will serve the needs of the Jewish community there.
Chabad-Lubavitch Centers can be found in other German cities, including
Berlin, Cologne, Dresden, Dusseldorf, Frankfurt, Hamburg, Karlsruhe,
Munich, Offenbach Am Main, Postdam, and Ulm.

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                            THE REBBE WRITES
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    The following is the P.S. to a letter dated  5th of Shevat, 5736
    (published in issue L'Chaim #752)

P.S. After writing the above, I now just received your telephone message
about the medical treatment suggested by your doctors and your request
for my advice.

It is well known that in a case of ulcer a very important factor is
peace of mind; and this is mainly up to the patient. I therefore suggest
that you should strengthen your Bitochon (real trust) in G-d, the Healer
of All Flesh Who Works Wondrously. And the way to do it is by reviewing
appropriate texts on this subject, such as for example, Shaar Habitochon
in Ibn Pakuda's Duties of the Heart, and the like, and reflect deeply on
this subject.

In addition, it is also well known that a suitable diet is helpful in
such a condition, and I believe helpful in all cases, the difference
being only in degree.

Hence, inasmuch as the condition has been with you for some time, I
suggest that you should first give a try to the above two remedies and
see to what extent they can relieve the situation.

In any case, the auspicious month of Adar is only three weeks away, and
in the meantime you can observe the results of the two measures
suggested above.

To ease your anxiety sooner, this letter is being dispatched by S. D.
[special delivery]

Incidentally, the content of the above letter, though dictated before
your telephone message, may well be the "Pre-emptive cure." For
everything is by Hashgocho Protis [Divine providence], and among human
beings - even non-Jews - there is something that is called
"Premonition," or, what our Sages describe as tchb vn gsh tku tchb ["He
prophecized without realizing it."]

                                *  *  *

               The date of this letter was not available


Greeting and Blessing:

Your write that you have read and learned that a man has to seek G-d,
and you ask if it is not the case also that G-d should seek man.

You are quite right, and indeed G-d seeks out not only certain
individuals, but calls unto everyone through the agency of the Divine
Soul which animates every Jew. But, inasmuch as the soul is encased in a
physical body, it sometimes happens that the Divine signals which are
sent to the Divine soul are either not received at all or are received
in distortion by the physical "static". Nevertheless, the signals are
there, but often remain buried in the subconscious, and from there,
impulses, thoughts and stimuli beg to be admitted into the conscious
state.

Modern science is increasingly recognizing the importance of the
subconscious state of mind. Yet, this has been recognized in our Torah
and its commentaries for thousands of years. And, as in the case of a
receiver which can receive radio signals only if it is in good order and
properly attuned, and will not receive anything at all if the switch is
off, so in the case of the body. However, as far as the soul is
concerned, which is a part of G-d above, and always remains loyal to her
Heavenly Father, it is always receptive, even though the impulses and
stimuli are sometimes repressed and relegated to the subconscious.

That is why, under certain propitious circumstances, the body and soul
may suddenly become illuminated with the light of the Torah and Mitzvos.
That is why, also, an individual may suddenly experience an inner desire
to return to G-d, and so on. All this is discussed at great length in
the teachings of Chasidus, which explains in this way the statement of
our Sages that "Every day a Heavenly Voice comes forth calling: 'Return
to Me, My errant children.' "

Needless to say, although G-d constantly seeks man and calls to him,
this does not minimize the necessity of man seeking G-d, as it is
written "And you shall seek G-d," for unless man reciprocates and makes
an effort on his part, the signals are likely to remain ineffective. And
the way man can apprehend and respond to the Divine signals is by
observing the Torah and Mitzvos in everyday life.

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                            RAMBAM THIS WEEK
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28 Cheshvan, 5765 - November 12, 2004

Positive Mitzvah 155: Making Shabbat holy

This mitzva is based on the verse (Ex. 20:8) "Remember the Shabbat to
keep it holy" Upon completing the creation, G-d proclaimed the seventh
day to beholy, separating it from the rest of the week by not creating
anything on the seventh day - the Shabbat.Just as G-d proclaimed it to
be special, we are commanded to recite a special prayer when the Shabbat
arrives - the Kiddush, and when it departs - the Havdala.

These prayers remind us of the holiness and uniqueness of Shabbat.

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                        A WORD FROM THE DIRECTOR
                         Rabbi Shmuel M. Butman
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In Chasidic circles, and particularly Chabad Chasidic circles, the
upcoming month of Kislev is known as the "Month of Redemption" for it
contains many events of good news and Redemptive qualities.

The first day of Kislev, Rosh Chodesh (Sunday, Nov. 14 this year), marks
the anniversary of the Rebbe's first public appearance after suffering a
heart attach in 1977.

The second of Kislev is the anniversary of the actual return of the holy
books to their rightful owner - the library of Agudas Chasidei Chabad -
following their illegal removal from the library. After a prolonged
civil court-case, which decided to whom the library of the previous
Lubavitcher Rebbe belonged, the verdict was rendered on the day when the
Torah reading stated, "I shall return in peace to my father's house."

On the 10th of Kislev, the second Chabad Rebbe, Rabbi Dov Ber, was
released from prison where he had been interred on false charges.

On the 19th of Kislev, Rabbi Shneur Zalman, the founder of Chabad, was
released from his Czarist imprisonment. During his interrogation, he
impressed the investigators, including the Czar himself, with his
wisdom, scholarship and piety. Thus, the entire Chasidic movement was
exonerated and its teachings could be spread freely. Ever since, the
19th of Kislev has been celebrated as the "New Year of Chasidut."

Of course, last but not least, the holiday of Chanuka, begins on the
25th of Kislev, Tuesday evening, Dec. 7 this year. It, too, is a holiday
of redemption. On Chanuka we thank G-d for the miracles and for
redeeming them from the oppressive rule of the Greeks.

May this month truly be a month of redemption for the entire Jewish
people, with the coming of Moshiach, NOW.

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                          THOUGHTS THAT COUNT
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For I know him, that he will command his children and his household
after him... (Gen. 18:19)

Rashi comments that the phrase "for I know him" implies love and
affection for Abraham. G-d loved Abraham because He knew that Abraham
would teach his children to follow in his footsteps. As great and
impressive as Abraham's worship of G-d was, more worthy of merit was the
fact that he could be counted on to instruct others.

                                                        (Hayom Yom)

                                *  *  *


...to do righteousness and justice (Gen. 18:19)

When G-d bestows wealth and abundance on a Jew, he must honestly judge
himself and ask: "Am I really worthy of all this goodness? What have I
done to deserve these blessings?" When a person is thus honest with
himself, it will cause him to realize that the sharing of his wealth
with those less fortunate is truly tzedaka - righteousness.

                                                 (Sefer HaMaamarim)

                                *  *  *


And the two angels came to Sodom (Gen. 19:1)

When Abraham was paid a visit by angels, they appeared as human beings.
Why, when they presented themselves to Lot, did they appear in their
form as angels? Abraham, known as he was for his hospitality, treated
everyone he came into contact with in the same equal manner; simple
people were honored as much as those more "important." Had Lot, however,
seen mere humans at his door, he would have never allowed them to cross
the threshold of his home.

                                               (Rabbi Leib Sarah's)

                                *  *  *


In all that Sara may say to you - hearken unto her voice (Gen. 21:12)

The Talmud states: Three tzadikim were given a taste of the World to
Come in this world - Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. In the World to Come, the
prophecy - "the female will surround and encompass the male," and "a
woman of valor is the crown of her husband" (Proverbs) will be
fulfilled. Abraham was given a glimpse of this when G-d told him to heed
the words of Sara, who was an even greater prophet than he.

                                                    (Likutei Torah)

                                *  *  *


I will go down and see. (Gen. 18:21)

The great commentator Rashi explains that G-d descended to see the "end"
of the deeds of the Sodomites. Although the people of Sodom did indeed
sin, G-d looked, so to speak, to their last deeds; would they regret
them and repent, or would they remain entrenched in their evil ways.

                                                 (Sefer HaMaamarim)

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                            IT ONCE HAPPENED
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Reb Moshe Chaim and his wife, Miriam, had been married for 33 years.
They were simple but very generous people. What greatly upset them was
the fact that they had no children. One night, Reb Moshe Chaim was
sitting in a corner of the shul listening to a discussion about the Baal
Shem Tov.

The people spoke about how a childless couple, already advanced in
years, had come to the Baal Shem Tov and begged him to bless them with a
child. The Baal Shem Tov gave them the blessing and, with G-d's help, a
son was born to them.

A few days later, Moshe Chaim told his wife about the story. Miriam had
heard similar stories from Bashe, a righteous woman who was the wife of
the famous chasid Reb Gedalia Boruch the Shoemaker. Miriam and Bashe
worked together in providing medical care and nourishment for mothers
who had just given birth, and in dowering brides and supporting orphans.
Miriam was overjoyed to hear her husband was considering a trip to the
Baal Shem Tov.

Months passed, though, and still Moshe Chaim and Miriam had not made the
journey. In the middle of Passover, Moshe Chaim heard that a group of
people led by Reb Gedalia Boruch were planning to visit the Baal Shem
Tov seven weeks later for the festival of Shavuot. After discussing it
between themselves, Moshe Chaim and Miriam decided to join the group.

On the second day of the Hebrew month of Iyar, they set out on their
journey. Moshe Chaim and Miriam came to the Baal Shem Tov and, weeping
profusely, poured out their hearts to him. The Baal Shem Tov, however,
gave them no blessing. They entered his room again a few days later and
then a third time, but the Baal Shem Tov gave them no reply.

Reb Gedalia Boruch, knowing that the Baal Shem Tov always acted toward
his visitors with intense ahavat Yisrael (love of one's fellow Jew), was
deeply upset at the bitter lot of the couple. As he was one of the Baal
Shem Tov's earliest disciples, he sought the advice of his colleagues
about the case. They decided that ten men should gather to fast, pray,
and plead for the couple for three consecutive days, and then they would
see what the Baal Shem Tov would say.

Reb Gedalia Boruch and his colleagues carried out their plan with true
ahavat Yisrael. They were careful to avoid uttering any words that were
not for a holy purpose and poured out their hearts pleading for Divine
mercy for Moshe Chaim and Miriam. No one else was aware of what they
were doing. On the evening of the third day, when they were still in the
middle of the evening prayer service, the Baal Shem Tov's attendant came
and told them that the Baal Shem Tov was inviting them to a celebratory
meal.

The meal took place with the participation of the Baal Shem Tov and his
disciples and all the guests then visiting the holy Rebbe. The Baal Shem
Tov was highly elated and expounded on new Torah insights and on the
verses, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," and "How good and
pleasant it is for brothers dwelling together." He also told them
various stories on the subject of ahavat Yisrael and how dear Jews are
to G-d. The Baal Shem Tov explained the tremendous effect that brotherly
love can have and how, when friends plead for Divine mercy for a comrade
in distress, they can even annul a heavenly decree of 70 years duration
and transfer "the curse to blessing, and death to long life."

Reb Gedalia Boruch and his colleagues realized that the reason for the
celebration was what they had done and that their plan had worked. They
immediately urged Moshe Chaim and Miriam to press their plea. When the
couple approached the Baal Shem Tov, he gave them his blessing to have a
child who would live a long and happy life.

G-d fulfilled the Baal Shem Tov's blessing and on the second day of Iyar
the following year, Miriam bore a son. They named him Shlomo. At about
the same time, Bashe, Reb Gedalia Boruch's wife, bore a daughter whom
they named Yocheved. When Shlomo and Yocheved were 17, the parents
arranged a match between them. Shlomo became known as Shlomo Bashe's
after his wife's mother, a great woman who was known for her deed of
kindness and charity.

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                            MOSHIACH MATTERS
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The revelations of Moshiach will encompass every aspect of worldly
existence. It will not be an age of spirituality divorced from material
reality, but a holiness that will permeate every element of being. To
prepare for-and in anticipation of that revelation-we must bring
holiness into every element of existence. The medium to gain this
understanding and achieve this transformation is Chasidut. Chasidut is
"the essence of the inner dimensions of the Torah," revealing the
spiritual truths that lie at the Torah's core. This in turn grants us
the potential to reveal the spiritual truth that is present throughout
existence.

                               (From Highlights by Rabbi E. Touger)

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                END OF TEXT - L'CHAIM 844 - Toldos 5765
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